I have been in with my love, my husband, for over 25 years. Just NOW my eyes are open… Our first born is grown and has already happily celebrated two wedding anniversaries. Our youngest is in high school. I am absolutely amazed at what I have learned about myself this late in the marriage game. Why did it take me so long to learn? Why was I so blind?
Background, and inside scoop, here >> It has not been a bed of roses.
But here I am , 24 years after saying “I do,” and 9 years after my 9 month marital separation, learning more and more about WHAT I DID WRONG over the years. Best part is, I have learned this NOT from my husband pointing out my flaws.
He was never successful in pointing out to me my flaws. It took Holy Spirit intervention for this hard head to begin to accept HER role in our marital problems, but that is kind of a foundational theme here.
The Biggies I am Guilty of
The biggies I am guilty of, that the Holy Spirit revealed to me (cuz my husband didn’t understand what the heck was going on in my head) were 1) making assumptions – false and 2) acting on those assumptions.
I Tried Hard
I probably read 20 marriage enrichment, relationship HELP books. I took notes. I prayed. I tried really hard. But I do not remember reading much, if at all, about those two pitfalls that I was falling into regularly with out even being aware, for YEARS.
Honestly it the exact scenario in which I “realized” my flaw, is too difficult to recount or describe perfectly, and I feel that I would do it wrong, or mess up. So please may I use “word picture,” to communicate what this often looks like.
Think of magnets. Do you have any experience with magnets? Do you remember if you turn them towards each other one way, they ATTRACT to each other, but if you switch one of the “poles” around, then even though you are pointing them together or indeed pushing them together, they will not connect. They seem to repel each other.
My husband and I were like that so many times. More so in our youth I am sure. We were facing each other trying to communicate. Trying hard (I was) but our messages were going out into space and NOT being received as intended. Yea, I know- poor communication sometimes.
I would think I caught the message, but it would be from reaching into the air and grabbing imagined shreds. Intuition, jumping to false conclusions had been a way of life. This pride based sin caused me to live as a martyr and to misunderstand my husband terribly at times.
Now Caution Follows my Awareness
Thanks be to God and the work of His Holy Spirit in my life, at age 54 my husband has a wiser, more kind and patient wife, because she is being more aware of old tendancies, old patterns. I am aware and very cautious now.
I practice quiet personal prayer first, and then in calm inquiry seeking to clarify communication. In the meantime, I seek to be affectionate and loving, because my husband is even better than I knew, for all those year.
Stick it Out
It is a second marriage for both my husband and I, so I am not concieted or haughty. Still I can witness, that if you stick it out through the rough times, and keep working at it… Marriage can get SO MUCH BETTER.
In the difficult times, remember why you chose each other. Look at the positives. Pray and seek growth. With the Holy Spirit on your side, there is much HOPE that the best is yet to come.
Marriage Enrichment Helps:
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This post is part of Telling Hearts June series. If you missed the others, follow this link to enjoy the rest of this wonderful sister sharing! >>June series, 2019