I never thought I would ever share this, but here I am sharing my heart out!
As a young girl, I was always afraid of love because I was terrified of rejection. I shunned away from relationships because of this fear…braving it out on cold lonely days quite happy with myself. Relationships always chilled because of my fears. I know that now. My self defense mechanisms got tighter over the years.
Years later, while I was in Calcutta, in November 1992, one evening I was sitting in my sister’s corner room and I picked up a Bible. I read the Gospels. I was suddenly struck by the LOVE that Jesus had for people, the forgiveness. I always thought I was a relatively good person who could never harm anyone but that night as I read the Bible, I suddenly saw for the very first time in my life I was a sinner, wretched and how much I had hurt the Lord by turning away. I wept tears of repentance.
Then I had the most amazing experience I ever had in my entire life. I felt a power, like super-natural love wrap me up like a blanket. I was in the midst of this very powerful force, LOVE. It was not my love. It was not human love. I was immersed in this cloud of Love for two weeks. After that I was filled with love for people. I knew it was not mine.
I felt like I was walking in Heaven. I could forgive people who had harmed me, and that was not natural forgiveness. I knew it was not me. I could love people with a love that came from beyond me! I was allowed to experience this wonderful presence of Love, which I believe was the Presence of God with a pure love for people, and such joy that I felt I was in Heaven. I call it the cloud because I was wrapped in it. It was like living in another world altogether. This Presence of Love left me after two weeks when I started worrying again about things, like what should I do, where should I work…
Over the years, I , however, did not find I conquered the fear of rejection. During the time I was in Bible College in Mumbai, I met my future husband and we eventually got married after quite a rocky dating of four years.
Unfortunately my fear did not vanish even after knowing my Savior’s Love, I battled with this fear for a few more years stringed with lies because of the projections in the air I would receive.
Finally, dear ones in Christ, I found victory!
While it may seem strange to others, I found the secret is something very unusual. I named my fear, and rebuked the spirit of fear, in Jesus name. Then it happened. I found the gripping fears leave me very swiftly and miraculously! Hallelujah!
I can testify that after 20 years, our home is blessed and there are wonderful turnarounds in our marriage. The power of Christ is what will make every couple’s marriage beautiful with fresh love, fresh fire, and fresh wind. This is the power of Jesus’ Valentine…His LOVE that transforms us and enables love again in our lives.
Here is the link to more from Telling Hearts, if you missed recent posts:
Thank you for visiting!