Voices

It’s hard not to look in the mirror and see your imperfections. Maybe you don’t like your nose. Or your hair. Or your eyebrows. We can always find something we don’t like. For me, it was always flab. When I looked in the mirror, all I wanted to change was the size of myself. I always wanted to be skinny.

We’ve come to the time of year where we make our New Years resolutions. Something in our lives that we want to change in order to better ourselves. Some people make resolutions to quit a bad habit like smoking or biting their nails. Some people decide they’ll work out more, or go on a diet. Some people make resolutions to spend more time with family. Others decide this is the year they’ll finally accomplish reading through the Bible in a year.

I used to be a resolutions girl. You know the kind of resolutions I tried to make. Dieting? Yep. Exercising daily? You bet! But all of these things fizzled out quickly. Partly because they were ineffective, and partly because I was listening to the wrong voices.

Voices can play a big part in our decision making. Voices from the media. Voices from our peers. Voices from our friends. Voices from our family members. We can listen to all sorts of voices, and be influenced in many different ways.

I am a people pleaser. I always want people to like me, so if certain voices suggest I do something, I’m going to try my best to do it. “You should cut your hair that way, it looks so nice.” So I cut my hair that way, even though I wanted to grow it out. “You should wear more brown, it brings out the color in your eyes.” So I wear more brown, when I don’t even really like it. You know what I’m saying? Sometimes voices can be overpowering. But the right voices can be full of hope. The One Voice can restore and change everything, even the dead places.

I realized one year that I was so preoccupied by the wrong voices, that they were crowding out the One. So I separated myself from them until I could hear. And it whispered to my heart: revelations, not resolutions.

Revelations, not resolutions.

Revelations? As I looked in my mirror, I could hear the One Voice revealing something. You are beautiful. It was quiet, and then it grew louder. You are a daughter of the King. You are fulfilling my purposes, just you are. You shine. And then, I stood in front of my mirror and for the first time, I smiled at my reflection.

I’d listed so many resolutions I could never keep. But these revelations spoke life into my heart, in an area I thought was dead. You see, I’m not just plus sized, I’m super sized. Morbidly obese is the medical terminology. I have a fat disorder (it’s a real thing, I promise) called Lipedema that causes accumulation of fat in the limbs. I’m huge, y’all. And none of that fat can be dieted or exercised away. So every resolution I made bore no fruit.

But every revelation did.

I found joy in my appearance. I never thought I would write those words, but there they are. I found that when I listened closely to His revelations about myself, my confidence increased. My self esteem did too. I don’t need to be a supermodel.

I just need Jesus. His voice is the only voice that matters.

This new year, I hope you choose revelations over resolutions. It’s the best way to a better you. ❤️

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